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How hard can it be? #sexjoke
We never thought that #HomeHardware would of become one of our competitors #sexjoke
Me: Netflix & chill? Her: sure [later that night] Her: so you don't have Netflix? Me [pulling out 20 condoms]: I don't have chill either
"yes I'm very good in bed" *folds blanket and neatly props up pillow* *pillow falls over* "Oh no, this doesn't normally happen I swear"
Sex is like pizza, if you're going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you're doing
[trying not to think about Sonic The Hedgehog during sex] Her: faster! faster! Me: oh god no
woops did i leave both of my bowling trophies in my hands during sex again that's embarrassing
Just once I'd like to see a movie sex scene be accurate. You know, him having a hard time getting her off then giving up.
My favorite sex position? Boy there's so many to choose from. Ha Ha. *starts sweating* I'd have to pick, um, reverse...shortstop? I gotta go
What idiot called it "leaving right after sex" and not "nuts and bolts"?
Cake is better than sex because I can remember the last time I had cake.
*has sex with you* *declines your FB friend request*
son, ur 2 now - old enuff for the talk. see, sex is a lot like a ocean - im drownin in it. lol now put ur hand up this is called a high five
[after having sex for first time] HER: was that not the best thing ever? ME: *remembering when my car hit 42069 miles* its up there for sure
